I have a serious problem. While I am serious about battling weight issues, I Think I’ve become allergic to exercise. In this photo, rashes and bumps appeared after 30 minutes of walking at BGC. Later, the bumps appeared on my arms and thighs and it freaked me out. I drove to the nearest drugstore and bought Iterax. Fifteen minutes later, they disappeared….10 more
Minutes later, the anti-histamine brought me to la la land.
I looked up the meaning of my old lady dream. Several results showed up. The first one said it means ‘fear of aging’. Ha!
Five hours later, I turned 29.
Yes, it’s my last year before I hit 30. I have to say, the dream may have been correct. No matter how many times I tell people that I would love to be 30 now, I am still afraid of the future. I am afraid of failures. I am afraid of disappointments. I am afraid of heartaches.
When you hit 30, the usual shit you deal with in your 20’s becomes irrelevant. You move on to higher forms of shit-to-worry-about. First, your health. Second, your family. Third, your bank account. And the list goes on.
And this is why I am afraid of aging. Which is probably why I hate my birthday. It is the one day in my calendar that I try so hard to ignore. Yesterday, I removed my birthday on Facebook so I won’t receive a downpour of greetings especially from people I haven’t seen or talked to in years. Still, my REAL friends remembered. (Oh wait, it’s still on my Myspace and Friendster. Damn it.)
Earlier, I wanted to come up with the list of my frustrations at 29. That wouldn’t be a great way to celebrate a birthday, would it? So I changed my mind and instead, I am going to create a list of things I am thankful for. Because looking back, I realized I fucking did it. I fucking met my timelines. It’s time to create new ones. It’s time to set higher goals. The next phase should be more exciting.
1. I am thankful for my job. Very few people have been as lucky as I am career-wise. No matter how frustrated I am with some people at work, I still thank God for giving me the opportunity to provide for my family and myself. I told myself that I want to be a boss before 30 and I fucking did it.
2. I am thankful for my family. We have a very strange love-hate relationship (especially my mom) but I love them to death. I really care so much about my family because at the end of the day, they will still be there for you no matter what.
3. I am thankful for having a bestfriend like Ria. We’ve proven that distance is not an obstacle in maintaining and strengthening a great friendship. I thank God for sending someone who is capable of understanding my quirks, mood swings, frustrations, good humor and relentless singing in the bathroom.
4. I always pictured myself driving a tiny car and now it’s a reality.
5. I am thankful that despite my heavier figure, I never run out of food to eat.
Happy Birthday to me.
Funny thing about bosses is you don’t know how they learned all the crap that comes out of their mouth. Did they go to charm school? Is there a crash course for feeding bullshit to your employees? Or is this an innate talent?
You probably can tell that my conversation with my boss didn’t go so well. As I entered his office, I thought ‘This is it.’ Either he breaks the news about my promotion or he breaks my heart by saying it ain’t happening. And sadly, the latter was confirmed. But first, there was all this long talk about leadership and crap before slowly leading to a statement that sounded polite but really isn’t. The statement made basically says ‘Sorry kid, I’ve got nothing for you’.
I was stunned. I prepared questions and possible reactions before I walked into our meeting. But instead of sharing my thoughts (which later turned into frustrations), I sat there looking into his eyes, wishing a lot of crap would happen to my former boss who injected the thought of a promotion before he left this wretched place I call my office. (Later, I took it back for fear of karma haunting me.)
I didn’t understand the whole discussion. I probably never will. And this promotion probably will never happen because I am not given enough opportunity to prove myself. Instead, he wants me to provide ‘free service’ and act like I was in-charge of two departments but at the end of the day, I am still going to be wherever I am right now. I find it silly.
Now I know some people will say, You’re nuts! It’s you’re time to prove yourself! just wait and see. Well hunny, for someone who has been in this company for a long time and has proven so many things, I don’t think I’m up for games anymore.
For the record, I AM FINE without the promotion. I do want one. But NEVER EVER fucking lie to me about getting one when there’s really no fucking plan on giving me one. My former boss fucking lied to me and told me he was told by our boss that he can write his recommendations. He also lied about talking to HR about it but I later found out he FUCKING lied.
Sorry for the invectives. I am just so freaking upset. This is an employee who’s about to go postal for mismanaged expectations.
And now the question becomes: what’s my next move?
Finally, I rememered this one.
I’ve been dreaming about this for weeks now. But when I finally wake up, everything goes out the window. So here it goes:
I was in some sort of a retirement home. There was an old lady and I seem to be her caregiver. I do not recognize her. She looked like one of those old ladies in hollywood films.
There seemed to be some form of mental exercise that’s being done on her. I was there to help her remember something. Then, I showed her something in my hand - an iPod or Mp3 player. I pressed ‘play’ and Gotye’s ‘Somebody that I used to know’ started playing.
That’s it! It’s a bit cryptic and I haven’t been listening to Gotye like crazy these days so I wonder what the song had to do with the old lady. Is it a flash forward? Is she somebody that I used to know?
My calendar skipped my birthday. I totally agree with this strategy
